he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
