So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
