Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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