there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
