yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
