you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
