nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think people are normalizing furries
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
