with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
