he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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