Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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