Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
