i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
