So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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