I love having hate sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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