I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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