it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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