We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
