His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
