I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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