im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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