Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
