That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
