i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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