I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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