the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
