she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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