I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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