Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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