His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
