I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
