How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
