Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
