...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
