i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize