Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
