FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
