oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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