the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
