See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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