I forgot how hot balto sounded
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
