if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish life had little blips of pornography
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
