she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
