Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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