He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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