Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
