Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
