areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
