Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
