sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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