Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
