just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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