i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
