Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
