return my video game
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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