fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
