We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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