They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i now understand why vodka
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
