I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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