you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
