I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
