I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just gift wrapped bread.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
