I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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