Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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