I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
