i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
