i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
