Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize