so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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