The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
