Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We are two peas in an std pod
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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