if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize