I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
