You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
